A new study suggests that men become
invisible to younger women as they approach 40. Now they know how females feel,
says Bibi Lynch
By Bibi Lynch
 |
Could 39-year-old David
Beckham soon find himself invisible to the
opposite sex? Photo: Getty Images
|
Now
I hate other people’s bad news (that’s not wholly true — but I like to appear
kind in print) — but this new DEVASTATING research did make me laugh. Quite
hard, in fact.
A
just-out survey - conducted by Crown Clinic Manchester — a hair transplant
place, so I think we know where we’re going here — declares that men become
sexually "invisible" to young women when they hit 39 years old.
That’s
right, 39. The same age as David Beckham, Russell Brand, Leonardo DiCaprio and
many men I’ve got off buses to follow, such has been their appeal. (I’ve never
actually got off a bus* to follow a man. I’m making a fanciful point. *Always
cabs)
The
study says 52% of respondents believe that men lose their allure as they reach
40 — and 39+ men are viewed as father figures rather than sex symbols (because
no-one has ever wanted to f--- a father, right…? Go away, Hugh Jackman. You and
your active sperm) and the most obvious sign of this change (manopause?) is
that women no longer eye-up these sad old gits in bars.
Of
those surveyed, 54% said men not being chatted up on nights out was the
clearest sign they no longer existed, sexually. The other "signs" are
greying hair, double chins, thinning hair and having bad teeth. So far so
utterly predictable.
Related
Articles
In
fact, I’ve never heard such nonsense. Sexual attractiveness has never just been
about looks — and looks do not go to poop at 39! It’s about attitude and
confidence and intelligence and wit and charm and, subconsciously, fertility.
And you don't have to be married to a Dimbleby to know that men can still
father kids well into their seventh decade — so this study doesn't stand up to
rigorous scrutiny.
Me
and the photo of Bradley Cooper I’m stroking as I type insist you 39-year-old
men know what rubbish this report is. But if it has pained you, may I proffer a
tiny HAHAHAHAHA? I’m no Miss Andry, but, boy, women suffer much more than men
from such looks-ist attitudes. (Women’s perception of what’s attractive in the
opposite sex is way broader and more forgiving. We will factor in personality
etc; many men don’t.)
A
41-year-old male friend of mine recently told me he doesn’t go out with women
over 23 because of how good 23-year-olds look. I’m 48. Imagine what my freckly
face did when I heard those bon mots.
Still
not convinced, though? Still worried you’re now invisible to the (sometimes) fairer
sex? Then let me help you. Let me tell you how to make yourself not just
visible but irresistible!
1.
Grow a beard:
I hate to be that person, but… They. Are. Just. So. Sexy. Truly. They’re masculine and rough and ooh! It’s only men who think they’re trendy-twatty. Women blooming well adore them. Hirsutes you, Sir! (Sorry.)
I hate to be that person, but… They. Are. Just. So. Sexy. Truly. They’re masculine and rough and ooh! It’s only men who think they’re trendy-twatty. Women blooming well adore them. Hirsutes you, Sir! (Sorry.)
2.
Step out of ‘broadcast’ mode:
Listen, too. Nothing is as flattering as being really heard. (That’s why sweet intimate conversations melt hearts.) And nothing is as flattening as being talked over. I had a boyfriend once who would repeat what I’d just said - only loudly - and get the laugh. Megaphone-voiced git.
Listen, too. Nothing is as flattering as being really heard. (That’s why sweet intimate conversations melt hearts.) And nothing is as flattening as being talked over. I had a boyfriend once who would repeat what I’d just said - only loudly - and get the laugh. Megaphone-voiced git.
3)
Get a job at an Apple Store:
I can’t quite put my finger on it (for fear of breaking it) but there is something so delicious and enticing about men who work at Apple. Is it their passion? Their in-depth knowledge? Or the "You saved all my photos and therefore my life!" gratitude they stir in you? I don’t know. But I know women (and men) love them. A friend of mine works in an Apple Store in the States and said half his staff are "helping" customers out of hours. If you know what I mean. I certainly fixated on "Tom" at the Regent Street store. To the extent that when my friend Baylen came to meet me and my poorly Mac there - to go on to lunch - "Tom" was simply repeating "I have to go now, Bibi. I have to go."
I can’t quite put my finger on it (for fear of breaking it) but there is something so delicious and enticing about men who work at Apple. Is it their passion? Their in-depth knowledge? Or the "You saved all my photos and therefore my life!" gratitude they stir in you? I don’t know. But I know women (and men) love them. A friend of mine works in an Apple Store in the States and said half his staff are "helping" customers out of hours. If you know what I mean. I certainly fixated on "Tom" at the Regent Street store. To the extent that when my friend Baylen came to meet me and my poorly Mac there - to go on to lunch - "Tom" was simply repeating "I have to go now, Bibi. I have to go."
Please
don’t worry about this survey (or any survey for that matter). You are not
invisible post-39. But to be on the safe side I suggest you stop shaving, quit
talking and get yourself a bright blue T-shirt. Just in case.
@ The Telegraph
@ The Telegraph
