[When Sangmo wed Mingmar Lama 14
years ago, it was understood that her spouse’s brother Pasang -- then 11 --
would later join the relationship in a centuries-old practice that only
persists in a few isolated Himalayan villages.]
In ancient times, the sons of almost every family in the region of Upper Dolpa would jointly marry one woman but the practice of polyandry is dying out as the region begins to open up to modern life.
“Things are easier this way because everything we have stays in one family. It doesn’t get divided among many wives and it is me in charge,” said Sangmo, who uses a dialect of Tibetan and was speaking through an interpreter.
“Two brothers bring in the money and it’s me who decides what to do with it.”
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| AFP Photo/Samir Jung Thapa/www.thegreathimalayatrail.org |
(This handout photograph released by www.thegreathimalayatrail.org on September 18, 2012, shows Tashi Sangmo Lama, 31, (2nd L) with 25-year old Pasang Lama (R), one of the two husbands in her polyandrous marriage, and their eight-year-old son Pema (2nd R) as they take tea with a relative (L) at their home in the remote Himalayan region of Upper Dolpa, some 500 kilometers (300 miles) from the Nepalese capital Kathmandu, on September 6, 2012. In ancient times, the sons of almost every family in Upper Dolpa would jointly marry a sole woman but the practice of polyandry is dying out as the region begins to opens up to modern life.)
When Sangmo wed Mingmar Lama 14 years ago, it was understood that her spouse’s brother Pasang -- then 11 -- would later join the relationship in a centuries-old practice that only persists in a few isolated Himalayan villages.
Between them, they now have three
sons aged eight, six and four.
“I wanted to share this bond with
my brother because life would be easier for both of us,” said Pasang, 25,
speaking at the family home in Simen village, 4,000 metres (13,000 feet) above
sea level and five days’ walk from the nearest town.
Traditionally part of the
caravans that plied the route between Nepal
and Tibet , the
people of Upper Dolpa still follow the trade, leading
yaks that bring salt from Tibet
and rice from the southern Terai plains.
In the thin air high above the
tree line, arable land is in short supply and farms are tiny.
But polyandry prevents the
practice of each generation of a family dividing their holdings, and food
supplies just manage to cover the locals’ basic needs.
Marriages are typically arranged,
with a family picking a wife for their oldest son and giving the younger
brothers the chance to wed her later.
In some cases the wives will even
help raise their future husbands, entering into sexual relationships with them
when they are considered mature enough.
-- “There is no jealousy” --
Unlike most men in conservative,
predominantly Hindu Nepal, husbands in polyandrous marriages handle domestic
duties, helping with cooking and childcare, while women are in charge of the
money.
Polyandry also works as a form of
birth control as a woman can only get pregnant so many times, regardless of how
many husbands she has.
The polyandrous household doesn’t
usually acknowledge which husband is the biological parent, with the children
calling father and uncles “dad”.
Polyandry breaks many Western
sexual taboos and often fascinates outsiders, but locals see it as natural and
beneficial.
Shitar Dorje, 30, married her
37-year-old husband Karma a decade ago.
Karma’s younger brother Pema
entered into the marriage a few years later after finishing studies in Buddhist
philosophy.
“If it ever happens that we are
all in the house at the same time, then my elder brother sleeps with my wife,”
said Pema, 30.
“In my case there is no jealousy.
I don’t feel bad about the fact that when my brother is in the house our wife
is with him. If I felt jealousy, then I would go and marry someone else,” Pema
said.
Life is simple but difficult in Upper
Dolpa , 500 kilometres (300 miles) from the bustling capital Kathmandu .
Sanitation is threadbare, modern
healthcare almost non-existent and women toil all day breaking rocks in the
arid valleys or harvesting crops under a blazing sun.
Polyandry works well where there
is a division of labour between brothers -- one to look after livestock, one to
help the wife in the fields and one to join the trade caravan.
Many also see it as a kind of
life assurance, highlighting the added security for women of an arrangement
which means they will not be left alone if one husband dies.
According to Dutch charity SNV,
which has well-established links to the area, life expectancy is just 48 for
men and 46 for women.
-- “We had turns sharing the bed
with my wife” --
Thajom Gurung, 60, from the
isolated village of Saldang
But she was already married to
both of his older brothers and now lives with the one surviving sibling,
Choyocap, 67.
“When we were all together in the
house we had turns sharing the bed with my wife -- no one worried about it,”
said Choyocap.
Until recently, Upper
Dolpa ’s isolation preserved a way of life that has withered in
many other places but increased tourism is shining a spotlight on a
once-ignored land.
On the roofs of stone houses,
where once only prayer flags hung, satellite dishes have begun to sprout,
allowing Dolpalis a glimpse at a modern world whose images of romance stand in
sharp contrast to their own.
SNV says that while 80 percent of
households practiced polyandry a generation ago the figure is now down to one
in five, and it is expected to die out within perhaps two generations.
For now though, it is being kept
alive by a generation for whom marriage is about pragmatism and survival in one
of the world’s most harsh environments.
“Polyandry is about keeping
family together when life is hard,” said Choyocap Gurung. “With many brothers
the household is stronger and the children have a better chance for the
future.”
This news item is printed from
myrepublica.com - a sister publication of Republica national daily.